3 months and nineteen days ago...........

This sweet little girl changed our lives forever. Chloe has been a whirlwind of joy from the moment they placed her in our arms. She completes our family. She completes me as a mother. I am finally whole. The piece of my heart that was empty and longing for my baby girl is overflowing.

http://cantrellcrewtochina.shutterfly.com

WE ARE OFF!!

I cant't believe the day is finally here that we get to board a plane to go get our daughter. In true Cantrell fashion we are running late and have to be at the airport in 2 hours....so I will make this short and sweet. This will be my last post at THIS blog. It is my understanding that "blogspot"is blocked in China, so we have set up something new to keep everyone updated.

http://cantrellcrewtochina.shutterfly.com

See ya there!!

H

The nice FED EX lady brought me these today............

Introducing Xiao Lan Song!!!

We are overjoyed to announce the referral of our daughter. After five years of waiting we got the call this morning at 10:40 telling us our dream had finally come true.

She was born February 24, 2010 (almost 6 mo. old) and currently resides at the Yangxi County Welfare institute.

On her June 24th medical exam she was given a clean bill of health, and had no teeth yet.

Her length was 22.8

Her weight was 11.66 lbs.

Head circumference of 15.2", and chest 15.4"

We will post any new info and pictures tomorrow when the FED EX truck arrives!

Love to you all!

Heather and Loren

Yippeeee! Fingerprinting for the LAST time!

Hot Dog! Tomorrow Hubs and I will be traveling to Helena to get our fingerprints updated for the last time. This will be our 4th trip since the prints "expire"every 15 months. I am nervous I will bound through the doors of that USCIS office and lay a kiss on the first person I come in contact with out of joy for never having to go back!

As most of you know (seeing as I tell anyone who will listen) we are next in line for receiving our referral. In July they went as far as May 10, 2006, so that is how we know we will be next - because our LID (log in date) is May 11, 2006. There is a chance it could come by the end this week, if not, it will certainly be the following. No doubt, I am already a nervous wreck with the patience of a flea.

August is already a special month for our family - On August 13, 2001 I gave birth to our wonderful son Owen, and on August 27th, 2002 I delivered our sweet boy Morgen. It's hard to believe that I will be seeing the face of my daughter in August 2010.

What a lucky girl I am!

Happy Easter Princess!

This was the third year your Easter Basket has been put out with goodies from "the bunny" and left untouched until I (mommy) packed it up with hopes of you being here next year to receive your treats Easter morning. I can't wait to share with you the amazing wonder of the raising of our Savior Jesus. With each passing holiday or special occasion my my heart breaks a little as I pray it is our last celebration without you. Some days I want to stop time so your brothers don't grow too big before you get here. It was never my plan to have this many years between you and the boys. However, it is God's plan, and his is always better than mine. So, Happy Easter my princess - Mommy loves you.

I am so thankful for my mom..............

Hubs and I had the pleasure of enjoying some fun in the sun in Mexico last week in celebration of our 9 year anniversary. When given the choice to go to MX or spend the Spring Break with Grams and Paka there was no hesitation, or lack of volume in their declaration of the choice to head to good ol' Ft. Benton. Rather than having our feelings hurt, Loren and I took our new found freedom and ran with it! O and M promptly began their countdown as they not so patiently waited for their parents to "leave the country" so the real fun could begin. Everyday they would ask me a million times "how many days until I go to grammy's house"? As the time to leave drew near I will admit that their "enthusiasm" to be rid of me and their father for an entire week got a bit annoying...........................until it was time to say goodbye to my baby boys and board a plane. It was then that I became overwhelmed with thankfulness. Clearly this is not the first time I have felt this feeling in regard to my parents and their love for my children, I guess I am simply more aware of how precious that relationship is. People close to me know that my Paternal Grandmother was one of the single most important people in my life. At the age of 21 I lost that amazing woman to Cancer, and I doubt my heart will ever recover from that loss. My grandma loved me, unconditionally, and I knew it.....she always made sure I knew it. Today, I am a mom, who has the blessing of watching my boys love and be loved by their grandmother. I can't even express how wonderful it feels know in my heart that there is someone else in my children's life who cherishes my boys the way Loren and I do. I will admit..........it was fairly easy to leave for Mexico because we know that there is no priority higher in the Johnsrud house than the care and safety of those 2 boys! So, thank you mom, for being the terrific grandmother you are. We are so thankful for you.

To Sis From Owen

I hope we have a good time together. What would we do when you get here? Maybe we could play pet shops or something like that. And my brother will have a high voice, but you will get used to it. I love you. Owen

A Letter To My Daughter

My Dearest Baby Girl,

As I begin the year 2010 I honestly cannot believe that I have yet to look into your eyes, hold you in my arms, or whisper in your ear that I will love you forever and ever. When your daddy and I began this journey (over 4 years ago) I never could have imagined what God had in store for our family and me personally. On the "good" days I am able to see and feel the amazing works he has done on my heart, and am able to recognize that in many ways this time of longing for you has drawn me much closer to Jesus. On the "bad" days...well they are just that - bad. You see, to fully understand, one must know that I have had a pretty blessed life. I have wonderful parents, family, and friends, and although my life hasn't been completely free of pain or heartache, I realize I have never had to "want" for much. I have wondered through this process if the good Lord was taking it easy on me because he knew that there would be a time in my life that the "want" for my daughter millions of miles away would bring me to my knees and take my breath away at moments.

I believe we are nearing the end of this journey - statistically we have to be. So, because of that I have resolved to write you (my girl) every month until we come face to face. I pray these letters will serve as a window into my heart and my life for you one day when you are older.

I love you,

Your Mommy

*Question of the day - Have you been born yet?

Let's hear it for 1st and 2nd Grades!!!!!!

It's been almost 5 months since my last post

Wow - Time has flown.  I apologize for ending my updates to the blog so abruptly. As you all know I was so broken and I needed some time to heal.  This blog was started for Shan An Mi and it took me some time to figure out if I should continue the blog, or just shut it down altogether...........but hear I am with an update.

CCAA (China) has agreed to put us back in line for a non-special needs infant (7-12 months), I can't post much about what happened, but clearly we are pleased to be back at our original LID (log in date) rather than sent to the back of the line. Currently people who are submitting dossiers are being told they will have to wait almost 5 years.  Which simply would not have been an option for our family.  As of yesterday babies have been referred through March 8th, 2006.  We are May 11th, 2006 - however at their current "snails pace" it will take them the next 12 months to get through 64 days worth of dossiers. As usual, I am praying for a speed up, but China has yet to throw our family any pleasant surprises.

Dad's Prayer Request

Dad here... home alone while Mom and kids are gone for a couple of days... thought to break the silence with the tapping sounds of a keyboard.

To be honest, I'm not sure why I logged on.  I've never been much of a proponent for putting my life on the internet for all the world to see.

For those of you who've been following our story (both on this blog and in real life) we appreciate your support.  We've had a difficult time... my dear wife most especially.  She has one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen, and there's no doubt in my mind that it beats for orphans around the world.  It makes me so sad to see her cry for these little ones, and for the loss of a daughter that was nearly within her reach and the love she has to give.  As a man I feel helpless.  I pray no-one has to go through that same experience... being forced to make such a difficult decision in such a short period of time - life altering for everyone, including little Shan An Mi.  I will forever question whether we made the right decision, or not.  

My take on the whole process is that it's broken and leaves much to be desired. Even so, today we received a sliver of hope.  Through my wife's persistence with our adoption agency, and their willingness to pursue matters on our behalf, we may have new opportunity when just a few days ago we were so much as told all was lost and we would have to start over.  After three years of waiting, imagine what a blow that was!

For this new opportunity, I would ask for the prayers of each person who reads this blog.  Please pray for our family, for the little girl we seek to adopt - whomever and wherever she may be, and for the compassion and understanding of the adoption officials who hold our futures in the balance.  Please pray that we would be united with the little girl who is meant to become part of our family, that we might have patience and strength as we wait for God's perfect timing, and that ultimately His will be done whatever that may be.

Also, please pray for orphaned children around the world who are in need of a loving mother, father, and family... that the Spirit of Adoption would stir in as many as it takes to care for each and every one of these precious gifts from God.... and that they might grow up to know the One who has saved them.

Thank you.

Dad

• I am thankful that my boys are only 12 months apart.  Last night as we finished up dinner hubs and I sat laughing as our strange sons ran around the house hugging and chasing one another acting like little lunatics.  At those moments I reflect on how I wanted my children to be three years apart, yet God had a different idea.  I am thankful HE is in control.
• I am thankful that I have dodged the "winter bullet" yet one more day.  I know it is silly - but I am happy for each day that Fall lingers.
• I am thankful for hubs.  Yes, L I am talking about you.  I am thankful that you are such a good dad and husband.  No matter how busy you are, you always make time for your boys and me. The hunting, fishing, trap shooting, are all things I can't give them.  I am thankful to have a husband who can.  I appreciate all you do to make my life easier, and I only hope that I am able to do the same for you.  

Humble yourselves, therefore, under Gods mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:6

Dear Family and Friends,

It is with heavy and broken hearts that we sit down to write this letter, and humbly request your prayers for our family and Shan An Mi during this difficult time.

On Wednesday Sept. 24th (7 days before we were to leave for China) we received an email about a previously undiagnosed medical condition that had just been noticed in Shan An Mi. The news was a terrible blow, but at first glance we were not overly concerned.  The next 36 hours were spent contacting doctors and Pediatricians and scouring the internet to find any and all information we could about her condition, which we came to learn included not only the outward physical signs, but the underlying potential for organ related problems.  In itself, a complicated issue...one that was extremely difficult to evaluate in terms of our family's physical and financial ability to respond depending on the ultimate outcome.  Making our decision even harder was the fact that there were differing medical opinions regarding her likelihood of having serious organ difficulty.

   As all of you know Mi has a repaired cleft lip, which is a very minor "special need".  Putting the two conditions together, although seemingly unrelated, only complicated the matter.

After much prayer, professional consultation, and many tears we have decided to withdraw from our adoption of Shan An Mi.  To say we are crushed would be an understatement.  We are both very hurt, and continue to pray we have made the right decision for our family and for Mi, that she might meet the "forever family" who may be better suited to care for her needs.  

We have nothing left, but to believe these events have happened for reasons yet to be revealed to us, trusting in the Lord's grace and ultimate plans for our family.

We thank you all for your love and support through this entire adoption journey.  At this point we don't feel like God has completely closed the door on our family adopting from China.  We will be working with our agency to explore our options.  But for now our hearts remain with Shan An Mi as a first priority, and our next course of action as secondary.  

We ask you all for time to grieve...it feels as if we have truly lost our child.  Please continue to pray for healing in our family and for Shan An Mi's physical healing and ability to be connected to the adoptive parents she deserves.

Love, 

Loren and Heather

Hubs turns 39!!

On Sunday my hubs turned 39! Oh my..........he is a climbing that hill and will very soon be over it! Unlike me, his youthful wife who is still at the bottom of the hill! Ha. Seriously though, he is even better looking (and acting) than the day I met him! Happy Birthday my love.

Morgen's First Day Of Kindergarten

I am the mom of a 1st grader!

This is my big boy on his first day of 1st grade.  As you can see he is quite pleased!  As sad as I was for me, I couldn't help but be happy because he is so darn happy to move on.  I feel so lucky to have my boys at such an excellent school.

 James 1:27 says,           “Pure, unstained religion, according to God our Father, is to take care of orphans and widows when they suffer and to remain uncorrupted by this world.”

Owen and Morgen's Birthday Party

How did I end up with such a hottie?!!!!

I am married to my best friend, the love of my life, and the best dad I have ever met.  I am blessed!

What Owen and Morgen have to say about getting their sister

• Will she speak chinese?
  
• She has black hair like dad-right?
  
• "I will help take care of her"-O
  
• "I will NOT change any diapers"-M
  
• Can we KEEP her?
  
• "Can the crib be in my room"-M
  
• FINALLY - it has taken forever!
  

"Why we adopt"

1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.

2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.

3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.

4. The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.

5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.

6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about adopted child's 'real' parents.

7. You have ever been 'pregnant' with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth. (2 years!)

8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing where God calls you He will provide.

9. You have ever taken an airplane ride half-way around the world with a child you just met.

10. You believe God's heart is for adoption.

11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.

12. You know what the word 'Dossier' means, and you can actually pronounce it!

13. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.

14. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have him or her in your life.

 

 

-Author unknown